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What is Domestic Violence?
Definition
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another.
Understanding the Full Spectrum of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence can happen to anyone, from any background. It doesn’t discriminate based on age, race, sexual orientation, income, education, ability, or gender—anyone can suffer from abuse, at any time.
While physical abuse might be the first thing that comes to mind when one hears the term “domestic violence,” an abusive partner may try to exert control in a number of other ways. This can include verbal abuse, social isolation, and exerting control over finances. Remember that domestic violence is about power; its purpose is for the abuser to control the victim in whatever form(s) it takes, through whatever means it takes.
Read more about the different types of abuse below.
Abuse Comes in Many Forms
Domestic violence is all about power—abusers exert control over their partners in whatever form they can. While physical violence may be the first thing that comes to mind when one pictures domestic violence, abusers exert their control in many other ways. Below are some of the forms in which this abuse can take place.
Types of Abuse
Abusers partake in: name calling, yelling, making demeaning comments, nagging, cussing, threatening, belittling, constant phone calls, actively undermining their partner’s authority with children, telling them that they are a bad parent, telling them they can’t control their kids, and setting them up to be humiliated in public or in front of family and friends.
This often occurs early in the relationship, and continues to increase in severity as time goes on. Survivors often report that this type of abuse is more difficult to heal from than the physical injuries because verbal abuse is such a betrayal of trust and harmful to the victim’s self esteem. Verbal abuse is often accompanied by Controlling Behavior.
Abusers are trying to undermine their partner’s independence, make them feel bad about themselves, and get them to take the responsibility for whatever is wrong. Often there is a long period of controlling behavior that begins with dating relationships and is initially interpreted as love by both parties in the relationship. These behaviors include verbal messages of “star-crossed” love, like: “You’re the only one that understands me,” “I can’t live without you,” “I could never love anyone else,” and “We will take care of each other’s every need.”
Other examples of controlling behavior can include: sexual jealousy that grows to extreme proportions very quickly, including obsessive focus on prior relationships or becoming extremely angry when prior relationships are even hinted about. Abusers will often accuse other people of looking at their partner or flirting with them; tell their partner what they should wear, who they can talk to, and that the abuser’s opinion is always the right one. Abusers are frequently critical of family and/or friends and will do things that sabotage their partner’s ability to get together with their family/friends, and will often cause scenes. Abusers also will sabotage their partner’s employment, like refusing to get a car repaired that will result in their partner’s inability to reliably get to work, as well as going back on agreements to provide child care and/or other parenting obligations.
Abusers might employ the tactics of: making threats of violence, forcing their partner to do degrading things, controlling activities, frightening their partner, using their partner’s children or grandchildren as leverage against them, killing a family pet, creating crisis, embarrassment, and threatening to tell others about their sexuality in the case of LGBTQ+ couples.
Abusers might omit or fail to do what a reasonable person should do under certain circumstances. It includes failure to provide food, shelter, clothing, and personal hygiene to a dependent person who needs such assistance; failure to take care of the needs of the dependent person; and the failure to protect the dependent person from health and safety hazards.
If you think your interactions with your partner might be abusive, look below to take a short quiz. The questions and your answers might help you determine if you need to seek help for an abusive relationship.
Are You Experiencing Abuse?
If you think your interactions with your partner might be abusive, ask yourself these 13 questions below:
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- 03Unfortunately, children are also a frequent target of domestic violence abusers. However, even when children are not directly physically or emotionally abused, the stress of the situation in the household causes immense harm. Children who witness domestic violence have increased stress, anxiety, and emotional challenges. This not only affects their mental health but also their ability to focus and learn in school. A lack of educational success can lead to even more far-reaching challenges in the lives of these children.
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- 06In addition to cost of physical injuries that occur as a direct result of abuse, other health problems can arise in survivors from the stress of abuse. “Women directly affected by violence are more likely report the following: use of disability equipment; arthritis; asthma; activity limitations; stroke; high blood cholesterol; heart attack; heart disease; risk factors for HIV and STDs; smoking; and heavy or binge drinking” (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000). The magnitude of increase to these risk factors is astounding: “Abused women are 70% more likely to have heart disease, 80% more likely to experience a stroke, and 60% more likely to develop asthma” (Pearl, Robert MD; Fortune, Dec. 2013). These health problems cause additional suffering for survivors, and they also put more strain on the healthcare system.
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- 08Abusers partake in: name calling, yelling, making demeaning comments, nagging, cussing, threatening, belittling, constant phone calls, actively undermining their partner’s authority with children, telling them that they are a bad parent, telling them they can’t control their kids, and setting them up to be humiliated in public or in front of family and friends. This often occurs early in the relationship, and continues to increase in severity as time goes on. Survivors often report that this type of abuse is more difficult to heal from than the physical injuries because verbal abuse is such a betrayal of trust and harmful to the victim’s self esteem. Verbal abuse is often accompanied by Controlling Behavior.
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- 10Domestic violence leaves behind terrible emotional pain and trauma, which is difficult to quantify. The cost of the physical toll it takes can be more easily estimated. According to the CDC, in 2003, the direct healthcare costs of domestic violence totaled approximately $4.1 billion. An additional $1.8 billion was lost in productivity due to injuries and premature death. Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury for women ages 18-44 (Pearl, Robert MD; Fortune, Dec. 2013). On average, victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8 million days of paid work each year as a result of their abuse. This absenteeism comes as a result of survivors recovering from injuries, as well as an inability to get to work due to their partner sabotaging their means of transportation or child care, among other controlling tactics. In 2010, it was estimated that the average cost to society of a homicide is $17.25 million. Out of that figure, $307,355 is estimated to go to expenses within the justice system (“Average Homicide Cost is $17.25M, Study Concludes,” ABA Journal, October 18, 2010). Even without taking into account the moral and ethical costs of homicide, prevention programs are clearly the cheaper alternative from a financial perspective alone.
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- 12Abusers are trying to undermine their partner’s independence, make them feel bad about themselves, and get them to take the responsibility for whatever is wrong. Often there is a long period of controlling behavior that begins with dating relationships and is initially interpreted as love by both parties in the relationship. These behaviors include verbal messages of “star-crossed” love, like: “You’re the only one that understands me,” “I can’t live without you,” “I could never love anyone else,” and “We will take care of each other’s every need.” Other examples of controlling behavior can include: sexual jealousy that grows to extreme proportions very quickly, including obsessive focus on prior relationships or becoming extremely angry when prior relationships are even hinted about. Abusers will often accuse other people of looking at their partner or flirting with them; tell their partner what they should wear, who they can talk to, and that the abuser’s opinion is always the right one. Abusers are frequently critical of family and/or friends and will do things that sabotage their partner’s ability to get together with their family/friends, and will often cause scenes. Abusers also will sabotage their partner’s employment, like refusing to get a car repaired that will result in their partner’s inability to reliably get to work, as well as going back on agreements to provide child care and/or other parenting obligations.
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- 14Domestic violence abusers are not only a risk to their partners and family but also their community. While law enforcement officers are at an especially high risk of harm, violence wrought by abusers can also lead to injury or death of everyday bystanders. Law enforcement and justice system resources are also heavily taxed by addressing domestic violence issues, leading to a variety of unintended consequences we may never be able to fully evaluate.
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- 18Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of gender. However, domestic violence continues to affect women at a disproportionately high rate. In 2007, 45% of female homicide victims were murdered by intimate partners; 5% of male homicide victims were murdered by intimate partners (Catalano, Smith, Snyder, and Rand, 2009). Cultural norms about the status in relationships between men and women, in addition to other gender-based inequities, continue to fuel this problem.
- 19Abusers might employ the tactics of: making threats of violence, forcing their partner to do degrading things, controlling activities, frightening their partner, using their partner’s children or grandchildren as leverage against them, killing a family pet, creating crisis, embarrassment, and threatening to tell others about their sexuality in the case of LGBTQ+ couples.
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- 22Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive control in order to gain and maintain power and control over family or household. As with all forms of violence, the root cause of this violence is oppression. Societal attitudes of racism, sexism and homophobia increase the vulnerability of people more likely to experience emotional, financial and physical violence at the hands of those that are meant to love and nurture them.
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- 25It’s common for those outside a domestic violence situation to question why someone doesn’t just leave the abusive relationship. In addition to the many obstacles a survivor faces while trying to leave, their risk of extreme violence or death vastly increases once they do leave their abuser. “Women who are separated from their partners have the highest rates of intimate partner victimization (42%) as opposed to 1% for married women, 9% for divorced women and 5% for women who have never been married” (Catalano, 2007). This is why it is imperative to help survivors access the right support, resources, and protections during that critical period of time. Achieving safety requires the right tools and options be available at the point the survivor needs them.
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- 28Abusers might omit or fail to do what a reasonable person should do under certain circumstances. It includes failure to provide food, shelter, clothing, and personal hygiene to a dependent person who needs such assistance; failure to take care of the needs of the dependent person; and the failure to protect the dependent person from health and safety hazards.
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If you answered “yes” to even one of these questions, your relationship may be abusive.
If you want to talk to someone about your relationship call:
(800)799-7233
National Domestic Violence Hotline
La Línea Nacional sobre Violencia Doméstica
TTY (800) 787-3224
The Extent of the Proble
Domestic violence can happen to anyone regardless of gender. However, domestic violence continues to affect women at a disproportionately high rate. In 2007, 45% of female homicide victims were murdered by intimate partners; 5% of male homicide victims were murdered by intimate partners (Catalano, Smith, Snyder, and Rand, 2009). Cultural norms about the status in relationships between men and women, in addition to other gender-based inequities, continue to fuel this problem.
Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive control in order to gain and maintain power and control over family or household. As with all forms of violence, the root cause of this violence is oppression. Societal attitudes of racism, sexism and homophobia increase the vulnerability of people more likely to experience emotional, financial and physical violence at the hands of those that are meant to love and nurture them.
It’s common for those outside a domestic violence situation to question why someone doesn’t just leave the abusive relationship. In addition to the many obstacles a survivor faces while trying to leave, their risk of extreme violence or death vastly increases once they do leave their abuser. “Women who are separated from their partners have the highest rates of intimate partner victimization (42%) as opposed to 1% for married women, 9% for divorced women and 5% for women who have never been married” (Catalano, 2007). This is why it is imperative to help survivors access the right support, resources, and protections during that critical period of time. Achieving safety requires the right tools and options be available at the point the survivor needs them.
Though the cost to society pales in comparison to the individual cost, it’s important to note that the effects of domestic violence extend far beyond the homes in which it occurs. Read more about the societal impacts of domestic violence by clicking the button below.
Impacts to Society
The Full Cost Extends Beyond the Individual
Though the cost to society might pale in comparison to an individual’s traumatic experience, it’s important to note that the effects of domestic violence extend far beyond the homes in which it occurs.
Unfortunately, children are also a frequent target of domestic violence abusers. However, even when children are not directly physically or emotionally abused, the stress of the situation in the household causes immense harm. Children who witness domestic violence have increased stress, anxiety, and emotional challenges. This not only affects their mental health but also their ability to focus and learn in school. A lack of educational success can lead to even more far-reaching challenges in the lives of these children.
In addition to cost of physical injuries that occur as a direct result of abuse, other health problems can arise in survivors from the stress of abuse. “Women directly affected by violence are more likely report the following: use of disability equipment; arthritis; asthma; activity limitations; stroke; high blood cholesterol; heart attack; heart disease; risk factors for HIV and STDs; smoking; and heavy or binge drinking” (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000).
The magnitude of increase to these risk factors is astounding: “Abused women are 70% more likely to have heart disease, 80% more likely to experience a stroke, and 60% more likely to develop asthma” (Pearl, Robert MD; Fortune, Dec. 2013). These health problems cause additional suffering for survivors, and they also put more strain on the healthcare system.
Domestic violence leaves behind terrible emotional pain and trauma, which is difficult to quantify. The cost of the physical toll it takes can be more easily estimated. According to the CDC, in 2003, the direct healthcare costs of domestic violence totaled approximately $4.1 billion. An additional $1.8 billion was lost in productivity due to injuries and premature death. Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury for women ages 18-44 (Pearl, Robert MD; Fortune, Dec. 2013).
On average, victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8 million days of paid work each year as a result of their abuse. This absenteeism comes as a result of survivors recovering from injuries, as well as an inability to get to work due to their partner sabotaging their means of transportation or child care, among other controlling tactics.
In 2010, it was estimated that the average cost to society of a homicide is $17.25 million. Out of that figure, $307,355 is estimated to go to expenses within the justice system (“Average Homicide Cost is $17.25M, Study Concludes,” ABA Journal, October 18, 2010). Even without taking into account the moral and ethical costs of homicide, prevention programs are clearly the cheaper alternative from a financial perspective alone.
Domestic violence abusers are not only a risk to their partners and family but also their community. While law enforcement officers are at an especially high risk of harm, violence wrought by abusers can also lead to injury or death of everyday bystanders. Law enforcement and justice system resources are also heavily taxed by addressing domestic violence issues, leading to a variety of unintended consequences we may never be able to fully evaluate.
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